Let’s face it: this presidential campaign is not gonna win any awards for civility. Policy proposals aside, there’s been name-calling, vulgarity, and plain old meanness. And at times, it can seem like the rudeness of our politics has infected our personal interactions as well.
How did we get here? And, on the eve of this election, what can we do about it?
Well, to start, consider something simple: tone of voice.
No, this is not a panacea for all our social and political ills. But this secret weapon for civility is biologically hardwired.
Want proof? Babies and toddlers react in predictable ways to both the tone of someone’s voice and the expression on their face. Children learn to trust certain voices, even before they can understand the meaning of words. And chances are, an angry, loud voice will elicit fear and the very opposite of trust.
Those deeply-ingrained responses follow us through life, and can help or hinder our interactions with others.
If we really want to have conversations instead of dueling monologues, we need to be genuinely curious about what the other person has to say. And if the way we communicate – not just the words but the way we say them – triggers mistrust, there’s little hope for a meaningful exchange of ideas.
Let’s be clear: a mean thing said nicely is still mean. And there are times when a warm and compassionate tone will do you little good: for instance, arguments with people who disregard facts.
But for all those other times, consider taking a lesson from children. The next time you strike up a conversation with somebody who has an opposing view, try using a kind and gentle tone. It will signal that you are genuinely interested in hearing what they have to say. You might not reach a meeting of the minds, but look at the face: instead of a scowl, you just may see a smile.
Story produced by Robert Marston. Editor: Joseph Frandino.
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